Great News for Cheese and Ice Cream Eaters

"Overweight people outnumber average people
in America. Doesn't that make overweight the
average then? Last month you were fat, now
you're average - hey, let's get a pizza!"
- Jay Leno

I would never have logically surmised the outcome
of a new study by its design. In fairness to the
other side (dairy lovers), I've got to report
'em as I see 'em, even if the truth hurts, and in
this case, I may become the butt of dairymen's
future jokes for honestly reporting something
in their favor.

I found today's study in the British Medical Journal
(BMJ 2009;339:b3292, 3 September 2009)

A group of British researchers have determined that
there is a correlation between thigh circumference
and the risk of heart disease and premature death.

One would assume that obese folk with fat thighs
will get heart disease more often that skinny folk,
right? Wrong!

It's just the opposite, so, the more ice cream one
eats, the fatter one's thighs will get, and according
to the Brits, the fat and obese will become heart
attack proof!

Scientists examined the thighs of 1436 men and 1380
women participating in the Danish MONICA project.
They then followed up by monitoring all heart events
and deaths 12.5 years after the initial measurements
were made.

The results? The authors of the study wrote:

"A small thigh circumference was associated with an
increased risk of cardiovascular and coronary heart
diseases and total mortality in both men and women.
A threshold effect for thigh circumference was evident,
with greatly increased risk of premature death below
around 60 cm. Above the threshold there seemed to be
no additional benefit of having larger thighs in
either sex."

Conclusion? The author's wrote:

"A low thigh circumference seems to be associated with
an increased risk of developing heart disease or
premature death. The adverse effects of small thighs
might be related to too little muscle mass in the
region. The measure of thigh circumference might be
a relevant anthropometric measure to help general
practitioners in early identification of individuals
at an increased risk of premature morbidity and mortality."

So, if you're concerned about heart disease, eat ice
cream, butter, and cheese, and you'll simultaneously
develop fat thighs and cardiovascular protection in
no time! You may even get to buy an entirely new
wardrobe. Where is Omar the tentmaker?

So, take my advice, all of you plump pudgies. Here's
justification for breaking your next New Year's resolution.
Diet? Who needs a diet! Pump iron? Head for Dairy Queen
and pump milkshakes. Head for Pizza Hut and pump down a
pie with extra cheese and two greasy toppings, preferably
sausage and bacon. It's time for a totally new makeover,
and that includes Spandex for the dairy inspired
mega-monster thighs.

Robert Cohen
http://www.notmilk. com