Practical Issues > Health - Index > Vegan Index
Casting Pearls Before Swine

"A hypocrite is the kind of politician who
would cut down a redwood tree, then mount
the stump and make a speech for conservation."
- Adlai E. Stevenson

This week, the United States Department of Agriculture
(USDA) awarded over one million dollars in
conservation grants to the California dairy industry,
a group responsible for polluting a greater number
of waterways than any other environmental criminal.

American Conumdrum: How can a federal agency ethically
elimninate pollution by rewarding those who destroy the

In 2011-double-dip inflation America, it sure
is comforting to know that $1 million was given
to a trade group (Western United Dairymen) to
help monitor groundwater. An additional $150,000
will go to Fiscalini farms to evaluate their
aerobic manure drying system which is designed
to reduce noxious fecal fumes. Evaluate? Just ask
neighbors to this dairy farm to use their olfactories.

In the spirit of absurd USDA wastefulness of
taxpayer dollars, Notmilk would like to offer
our suggestions for equally preposterous future
government giveaways.

A new set of razors for Sweeney Todd.
A case of Chianti wine for Hannibal Lechter.
A subsidy for the NY Yankees to overpay
additional free agent home run hitters.
A box of new Titleist Pro-1 golf balls for the
goof-ball president who seems to lack any of his own...

Sophisticated bombs, bullets, tanks, and planes
for the Afghanistani and Iraqi armies, so that
the day after American soldiers leave, the weapons
can be used by Al Queda, who will surely inherit
America's messes.

Additional 100 pound bags of grains including soy, wheat,
and corn to be given to starving Africans, and then
stolen by war lords the day they are unloaded and
trucked directly to war lord warehouses and the
next day, sold on black markets.

Subsidies fo Gulf, Exxon, and Mobil, so that they
can design gas pumps in which prices go down just
as fast as they go up when the price for barrels
of oil crash, as they have recently done.

Subsidies for giant banks corps worth more than
the total value of such banks, just for the heck of it.
Another round of secret trillion dollar payments to Wall
Street firms which fuel insider trading and lose billions
in spec short sale trading, so that they can finally
push America into the depression of 2011.

Last but not least, stimulus money for car companies
with successful lobbyists. Ya gotta feel sorry
for General Motors, and Chrysler.

Dairy industry conservation awards? How about
plaques on the wall next time, or blue ribbons?
Let our tax dollars to do some good, such as
fixing the waste treatment sewer plant on 125th
street in New York City which is supposed to be
processing 50 million daily New York City toilet
flushes instead of dumping feces into the Hudson.
It reminds me of dairy industry standard operating
procedure reserved for treating cow waste by dumping
it directly into America's streams and waterways.

Robert Cohen

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