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Whole Foods: Cheese Crack Off From a Cheesy Wacko


This week, I received an advertisement from Whole Foods supermarkets promoting their "Madness Sale." The promotion included a "Whole Trade Pineapple" for $2.50. The ad also invited consumers to check out the values online at:

So, I went online and while I did not see further values, I did subscribe to their online newsletter which promised future coupons.

Yeterday, I received the first letter, and here is what it said:

"On Saturday, April 16th, at exactly 3 p.m. Eastern Standard Time (EST) cheesemongers in our stores across the U.S., Canada and the U.K. will simultaneously crack into 372 85-pound wheels of Parmigiano Reggiano."

"You could say we're trying to outdo ourselves. In 2008, with nearly 300 wheels opened at 176 Whole Foods Market stores, we set a Guinness World Record for "Most Parmigiano Reggiano Wheels Cracked Simultaneously." This year, we're trying to break our own record and will attempt to simultaneously crack 372 wheels."

What is wrong with this promotion? The irony offends me.

The founder and CEO of Whole Foods is John Mackey. John Mackey is a vegan. John Mackey sells dead animals from his stores. Arms and legs and faces of creatures whose throats have been sliced and whose final moments are spent in fear and pain. John Mackey is hero to many people in the often-phony animal rights movement which promotes compassionate slaughter while rewarding many CEOs of A.R. 501-C-3 orgs hundreds of thousands of dollars in yearly salary and compensation. Mackey often shows up at animal rights conferences as a keynote speaker. Passionate vegan activists give standing ovations to the man who earns millions of dollars abusing animals.

This week Mackey is promoting the concentrated body fluids of gentle creatures whose milk should be for their own infants. Instead, his newly cracked cheese can be added to her own cream and slathered over the loins of her young...all purchased from Mackey's meat departments.

Mackey will crack and sell 31,620 pounds of his Parmigiano Reggiano cheese. Seventeen pounds of milk are required to produce just one pound of Parmigiano Reggiano which means that 537,540 pounds of milk were needed to make the cheese that Mackey is promoting to Guinness world record status tomorrow.

An average cow produces 19,825 pounds of milk each year. Tomorrow's cheese represents the yearly production of milk from 28 cows. In order to lactate, each cow had to produce an offspring. Assuming a 50-50 male/female split, fourteen of those calves went to slaughter shortly after birth to become veal sold in Mackey's meat case. Put that in your record book...if you dare.

One can measure milk and one can measure cheese and one can measure sales, but how easy is it for one to measure the cumulative pain of 28 calves being separated from their mothers?

When the dairy cow has outlived her usefulness to the farmer, she is sent to slaughter and her body becomes tomorrow's hamburgers. Her male calf becomes veal, and her female calf becomes part of the vicious factory farm business in which mothers and children are separated from each other at birth, and spend weeks crying. In many cases, the mother cow has her tail cut off with a carving knife so that she cannot whip milkers as she swats flies from her rear end, flies attracted to her own filth which drips down into the milk.

Guinness book of World Records? One day, Mackey will set the record for selling the most tortured animals. I would like to witness this heroic man as the featured guest of an Orwell-style Animal Farm tribunal.

Please join me tomorrow at a Whole Foods market. Please do as I do. Buy the $2.50 pineapple and nothing else. Whole Foods loses money with each pineapple sold. They will get the message, as each purchase is electronically tabulated. The data are analyzed by market research companies.

Why are people purchasing just pineapples, they might wonder? They will get it, along with multiple copies of this column...

Robert Cohen

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