May, 2006



A guy buys a new Lincoln Navigator for $42,500.00 (with monthly payments of $560.00). He and a friend go duck hunting in mid-winter; and of course all the lakes are frozen. These two guys arrive at the lake with their GUNS, a DOG, and of course the new NAVIGATOR. They decide they want to make a natural looking water area for the ducks, something for the decoys to float on.

Making a hole in the ice large enough to invite a passing duck is going to take a little more power than the average drill auger can produce. Out of the back of the new Navigator comes a stick of dynamite with a 40-second fuse. At this point, our two Rocket Scientists are afraid they might slip on the ice while trying to run away after lighting the fuse. They don't want to become toast or hurt the new Navigator, so they decide on the following course of action: They light the 40 second fuse; then, with a mighty thrust, they throw the stick of dynamite as far away as possible.

Remember a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned the NAVIGATOR, the GUNS, and the DOG...? Let's talk about the dog. He is a highly trained Black Labrador RETRIEVER, whose principal mission in life is RETRIEVING. He retrieves things like Frisbees, little pieces of wood, baseballs, golf balls and tennis balls.... and lighted sticks of dynamite. So..... this lovable Black Lab takes off across the ice at a high rate of speed and grabs the stick of dynamite, with the burning 40-second fuse, just as it hits the ice. The two men swallow, blink, start waving their arms and, with the veins in their necks swelling to resemble stalks of rhubarb, scream and holler at the dog to stop. The dog, doing what he loves to do, and now apparently cheered on by his master, keeps coming. One hunter panics, grabs the shotgun and shoots the dog. The shotgun is loaded with #8 bird shot, hardly enough to stop a Black Lab. The dog, shot, stops for a moment, slightly confused then continues on. Another shot. This time the dog, still standing, becomes really confused and of course now terrified, thinks these two geniuses have gone insane. So the dog takes off to find cover under the brand new Navigator. The men continue screaming as they turn and run. The dog is now under the new Navigator still holding the stick of dynamite. There are about 12 seconds left on the 40-second fuse. The dog thinks he is finally safe as he accidentally rubs his butt along the truck's red hot exhaust pipe. He yelps, drops the dynamite under the new truck and takes off running after his master.

The two hunters watch in horror for the few remaining seconds, and then..... """BOOOOOOOOOOOOM"""""!!!! The truck is blown into little bitty pieces and sinks to the bottom of the lake, leaving the two idiots standing there gasping for breath, their faithful though injured dog standing beside them. The insurance company's policy is that sinking a vehicle in a lake by the illegal use of explosives is NOT COVERED by the policy. The second of those $560.00 a month payments will be made shortly. The owner of the truck doesn't go hunting very much any more. He is busy working. The dog, after a short recovery, is okay...