(satire) ARAs release pantomime horse into wild

A pantomime horse that was performing at the Theatre Royal, Windsor has been kidnapped by animal rights extremists and released into the wild. 'Trigger' who was appearing nightly in 'Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs' starring Marti Webb, was captured on Sunday night and according to a statement by the Animal Liberation Front, 'is now running free somewhere in the English countryside'.

The ALF have consistently stated their opposition to animals being kept in captivity for performing purposes, but this is the first time they have released a fancy-dress animal. The would-be terrorists broke into the back of the historic theatre after the Wednesday matinee and led the unsuspecting animal into a waiting horse-box parked by the stage door. On discovering that Trigger had gone missing, the management refused to let the extremists stop the show, and have promised that the entertainment will continue with two actors pretending to be a pantomime horse.

'These animal rights fascists have no understanding of pantomime horses.' said Trigger's distraught handler Jennifer Hartley-Smythe. 'Trigger loved his work here, nodding his head and doing the Okey-Cokey on stage for the little children. What he did for us wasn't cruel at all. He is a domesticated pantomime horse, he is not equipped to survive in the wild. I can't bear to think of Trigger somewhere out there, scared and alone, looking in vain for big pretend sugar lumps.'

Police have asked members of the public to look out for Trigger, who can be easily distinguished from other horses as he looks nothing like a horse. He is a large ungainly animal with big fluttering eye-lashes and a smiley toothy grin. 'Anyone encountering him should ask him to come back to Windsor,' said a spokesman for Thames Valley Police. 'If he stamps his hoof once, it means 'Yes', if he stamps his hoof twice, it means 'No'.

However the police refused to comment in a story in this morning's Daily Star alleging that Trigger was in fact kidnapped by newly-arrived migrants from Romania, where pantomime horse-meat is considered a great delicacy.

4th January 2007

Fair Use Notice and Disclaimer
Send questions or comments about this web site to Ann Berlin, [email protected]