This guy is in a plane when he feels thirsty. So he calls for the stewardess and asks her politely for a Large Whiskey. There's a parrot in the seat next to him, who snaps, "A double Scotch and make it quick." "Yes, sir" the stewardess says, and quickly gets the bird his drink - but ignores the guy. The parrot downs his in one gulp, and says "gimme another." The stewardess gets him a second drink, ignoring the guy again. The guy, meanwhile has been asking for his drink very politely. He then decides to use the parrot's tactics and snarls at the stewardess, "You @#*$% hag, get me my bloody Scotch!" Suddenly a large co-pilot comes out of the cockpit and ejects both the guy and the parrot off the plane.

As they're falling, the parrot turns to the guy and says, "You know, you're quite brave for someone who can't fly..."

 

:On the first day of creation, God created the parrot.

:On the second day, God created man to serve the parrot.

:On the third day, God created all the vegetables and nuts of the earth to serve as potential food for the parrot.

:On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could labor for the good of the parrot.

:On the fifth day, God created cables and ropes so that the parrot could chew through them.

:On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the parrot healthy and the man broke.

:On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but He had to clean the parrot cages...

A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, "Hey lady! You're really ugly!" Furious, the lady stormed past the store to work.

On the way home she saw the same parrot again and it said to her, "Hey lady! You're really ugly!" She was incredibly ticked now.

The next day she walks past the same parrot again and it says to her, "Hey lady! You're really ugly!" The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said she would sue the store to get rid of the bird. The store manager apologized profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot didn't say it again.

When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her, "Hey lady!" She paused and said, "Yes?" The bird said, "You know."