April 29, 2007

How to spot a terrorist.
Current mood: predatory

This is a guide to help the police and NETCU find terrorists. Follow these simple steps and see if the person you suspect is actually a terrorist or not.

Watch the suspect when he/she is shopping. If suspect is reading the labels carefully there is a chance he/she is checking the food for animal ingredients. If this is the case, the suspect is almost certainly a terrorist.

Check the footwear the suspect is wearing. If you see the label "Vegetarian Shoes" the suspect is a terrorist. If the shoes are fabric then there is a good chance the suspect is avoiding wearing leather, which would make the suspect a terrorist. If the suspect is wearing leather then he/she is not a terrorist.

If the suspect is wearing a leather jacket or a fur coat, the suspect is not a terrorist. A wool jumper or a silk scarf or tie would also suggest that the suspect is probably not a terrorist.

If the suspect's skin is a darker shade than the standard Anglo-Saxon skin shade, there is a good chance the individual is a terrorist.

Religious dress (other than that of Christian or Jewish religious dress) would suggest strongly that the suspect is a terrorist.

Obviously anyone seen carrying a megaphone or a placard of any sort has to be treated as a terrorist.

If you are carrying a weapon, the best thing would be to use it on the terrorist before he/she kills someone. If not, then please call NETCU on 0800-T-E-R-R- O-R immediately and we will arrive within minutes to deal with the terrorist. If you destroy a terrorist, or report one to us, you could be rewarded with a cash prize or a gift.

"I'm so glad I stabbed that guy with my kitchen knife now. I was able to buy myself a car with the £3,500 award I received from NETCU." Margaret Hill.

"The £5,000 I got from NETCU meant I paid off all my student debts. All I had to do was club this skinny guy with a baseball bat." Tom Parkinson.

Who knows, you could be the one getting a major cash prize for helping fight crime!

N.E.T.C.U. - 0800 T-E-R-R-O-R (0800 837767)