April 29, 2007
How to spot a terrorist.
Current mood: predatory
This is a guide to help the police and NETCU find terrorists. Follow
these simple steps and see if the person you suspect is actually a
terrorist or not.
Watch the suspect when he/she is shopping. If suspect is reading the
labels carefully there is a chance he/she is checking the food for
animal ingredients. If this is the case, the suspect is almost
certainly a terrorist.
Check the footwear the suspect is wearing. If you see the
label "Vegetarian Shoes" the suspect is a terrorist. If the shoes are
fabric then there is a good chance the suspect is avoiding wearing
leather, which would make the suspect a terrorist. If the suspect is
wearing leather then he/she is not a terrorist.
If the suspect is wearing a leather jacket or a fur coat, the suspect
is not a terrorist. A wool jumper or a silk scarf or tie would also
suggest that the suspect is probably not a terrorist.
If the suspect's skin is a darker shade than the standard Anglo-Saxon
skin shade, there is a good chance the individual is a terrorist.
Religious dress (other than that of Christian or Jewish religious
dress) would suggest strongly that the suspect is a terrorist.
Obviously anyone seen carrying a megaphone or a placard of any sort
has to be treated as a terrorist.
If you are carrying a weapon, the best thing would be to use it on
the terrorist before he/she kills someone. If not, then please call
NETCU on 0800-T-E-R-R- O-R immediately and we will arrive within
minutes to deal with the terrorist. If you destroy a terrorist, or
report one to us, you could be rewarded with a cash prize or a gift.
"I'm so glad I stabbed that guy with my kitchen knife now. I was able
to buy myself a car with the £3,500 award I received from NETCU."
"The £5,000 I got from NETCU meant I paid off all my student debts.
All I had to do was club this skinny guy with a baseball bat." Tom
Who knows, you could be the one getting a major cash prize for
helping fight crime!
N.E.T.C.U. - 0800 T-E-R-R-O-R (0800 837767)